Shannon Tweed before gobs of plastic surgery (added bonus: 20 minute workout! (1983)

Does this scream 1983 loudly enough for you? I grabbed this from Google books' collection of Orange Coast Magazine. You may know her from Falcon Crest, but I know her from Cinemax After Dark.

I saw a lot of young girls dressed as "Eighties girls" for Halloween. I know it's easy to hit up American Apparel and be done with it. But to really do it right, you have to be subtle. An interlocking and work out towel and suddenly you've taken it to another level. Get two of your BFFs together and reinact "20 minute work out"!

I'm pretty sure I had my first masturbatory experience as a kid watching this show.

Southwest Airlines uniforms (1981)

Loving you is what we do! The lovely ladies above can love me all they want. I love latently sexist single entendre of ads from this era. The tag line might as well be "you'll probably get laid your flight." I'm definitely digging the short shorts, go-go boots and string ties on these ladies! Beats the heck out of their plain jane "uniforms" now- or is that Plane Jane? Get it?! I'm brilliant.

Kirk Cameron rocks a Growing Pains shirt

This photo just struck me as the penultimate of self referential tomfoolery. We know you're on Growing Pains, dude. We know you're a fan.

This is a bit like Metallica wearing their own band shirts on stage, which they constantly did. Oh, you like YOUR OWN BAND THAT IS PLAYING RIGHT NOW THAT I PAID MONEY TO SEE? I had no idea.

By the way, I'm on a mission to find that shirt now.

early 80s fashions, elderly Cajun style (and some Yankees)

Ken Burns' documentary "Huey Long" seems like an unlikely place to find great American vintage style (though Long was a dapper gentleman himself), but Burns' 1985 documentary captures a time and place that has since disappeared- and not just the Kingfish. The folks that he interviewed had a unique style that took me back to my own childhood in Louisiana- a unique and particular style that has since vanished. The landed Southern aristocrats he interviewed looked the part, as did they journalists, historians, and Cajuns.

I haven't been back to Louisiana much in the past years, but I suspect that the Wal-Martificiation of America has also not left Sportsman's Paradise unscathed. The folks have long past as has a unique part of America and American history.

what John Hughes' funeral should look like

why the hell did Cameron wear a Gordie Howe Detroit Red Wings sweater in Ferris Bueller's Day Off?

It's absolutely undeniable that Ferris Bueller's Day Off rules despite two nearly ruinous errors- the fact that they spend the day at a Flubs game, which I can get over because it is a school day and the White Sox weren't playing many day games at the time, and the fact that Cameron inexplicably wears a fucking Red Wings sweater instead of the Blackhawks' classic Indian Head. Totally unexceptable. The Hawks were actually pretty good at the time, finishing first in the good old black and blue Norris Division for the 1985-1986 season.

Well, inexplicable until recently; Gordie Howe was recently interviewed on Sports Illustrated.com and revealed this chestnut:

May 15, Sports Illustrated: SI.com: I was watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off the
other day and your jersey was on the screen the whole time since Ferris' friend
Cameron is wearing it. I was wondering if you knew that your jersey would be a
part of the movie.
Howe: Oh yeah, I sent them the jersey. They asked me for
the jersey and I sent it out. It was nice seeing the No. 9 on the big screen. I
had a lot of proud moments in that jersey

WTF? Why did "they" ask for a Wings jersey? No self-respecting true Chicagoan would be count dead in a Wings jersey. Surely we would have been pummelled in the streets by angry tomahawk wielding Hawks fans. Hell, Ferris should have pulled it over his head and delivered a series of punishing haymakers.

For shame, John Hughes.

Debbie Harry- my favorite Girl Scout

Madonna in a dope Pittsburgh Pirates t-shirt

I'm not at all interested in Madonna, but she does a good job filling out this righteous Pittsburgh Pirates t-shirt from the "We Are Family" era Bucs! For those uninitiated, the Pirates won the World Series in 1979. Pretty tough to beat the classic Buccos logo! The Pirates used this logo from 1968-1986.

selling on ebay: Swatch funwear camp shirt (1986)

I just listed this gorgeous Swatch camp shirt on ebay. There was not much about Swatch funwear on the internet, but these were all the rage when I was in Junior High. Unfortunately, I could not afford Swatch gear when I was a kid, though I did bully a poor Indian kid at my high school in to selling me his X swatch a few years later at the tail end of the Swatch trend- which I later sold on ebay after unfortunatley shattering the face a few years ago after wearing it almost every day for 10+ years. I really dig the comic book art on this shirt, but the internet couldn't help me to find the name of the artiste'. There are a few print advertisements on eBay for Funwear, confirming the date on this item.

Swatch Funwear (1987)

tag sticker grabbed from Flickr

Every girl in my Junior High had this sticker affixed to her Trapper Keeper. Ah, this image brings back many memories of plaid skirts, jelly bracelets, banana clips and saddle oxfords. Damn you, Catholic school girl fixation!

From Fortune Magazine, August 5, 1985- so don't bother calling your broker. Please note- if Fortune Magazine describes something as "funky", you must understand that you have the blessing of corporate connoisseurs of dubious middle class cool and your days are numbered:

"The Swiss watch industry ticked back to life with Swatch, a popular,
inexpensive plastic watch sold by Swatch Watch U.S.A., a subsidiary of
Switzerland's ETA. Now the company is opening 300
Swatch shops in U.S. department stores to sell Swatch-brand items such as
sweatshirts, sunglasses, and funwear -- funky shirts, pants, and hats -- in
addition to watches. Retail sales from Swatch products are expected to top
$140 million in 1985, vs. $32 million last year. "

Eddie Einhorn, Chicago White Sox vice chairman (1983)

Grabbed from Sports Illustrated, 1983

I've never seen a White Sox jacket like this- perhaps Mr. Einhorn had it commissioned for himself? Eddie Einhorn, who is still part owner of the Sox, made his fortune in syndicating college basketball in the Fifties and Sixties and later became the head of CBS Sports.

I dig how the stripes echo but do not copy the horizontal stripes of the early Eighties White Sox uniforms. I'm sure this thing was 100% polyester.

Sasson- official jeans of the New York Rangers (1980)

Grabbed from Paco Camino

Sasson jeans were also the favored jeans of moms everywhere and the wannabe Valley Girls in my grade school in Houma, Louisiana in 1980. The 1980-81 Rangers finished 4th in the Patrick and were swept out of the playoffs by the Islanders. Ooh la la!

Runner Magazine advertisement (1981)

More like run from us!

I dig the Runner shirt and old school Nikes, but I could do without the shorty short shorts on dudes and three ring circus socks.

Joy Division t-shirt (1980)

swiped from Defunkd's ebay auction wow, if I had $194 dollars and a size extra small torso, i would buy this in a heartbeat. This is an otherworldly shirt.

rejected Chicago White Sox uniform prototypes (1982)

from Whitesoxcards.

The White Sox unis of the late Seventies and early 80s are widely considered some of the worst in baseball history, so a redesign was slated for 1982. These were the rejects! That Dan Marino softball jersey would have set back South Side cooldom for decades. I do like the Joliet Jake prison striped sleeves a little. The one in the middle was the closest to the finished product.

sports sweaters from the Sears catalog (1988)

Most notably rocked by Michael Keller Ditka.